Lap Dog Capitalism

Dog-eat-dog capitalism: what a disgusting metaphor! But how appropriate! Why, just the other day I saw a Starbucks employee being fried up at the local McDonald’s. Selling coffee is serious business...

That was a joke. I’ve never seen a competitor cooked up at McDonald’s or any other corporate franchise. I have yet to witness cannibalistic behavior at any private business. I don’t recall seeing a dog eat another dog, either. Mouse-eat-mouse, yes. (They go for the brain.) But never dog-eat-dog.

Dog behavior is a suitable metaphor for capitalism, however. Lap dog behavior, that is.

Dogs want to be loved: to get your attention, and they’ll stick their noses in your face to get it. This is sometimes cute, sometimes annoying. When I want to buy something, it’s good to know who is selling, but I freely admit that all the advertisements can grow wearysome. If socialism led to less advertisements, that would be a good selling point, but last I checked socialist utopias also have advertisements; it’s just called propaganda.

Dogs can be competitive. They are competing to serve, to be loved, in most instances. Pet one dog and the others nuzzle in for the action—like corporations discovering a new market.

Dogs are territorial. They understand property lines. I recall reading somewhere about determining rightful property owners in third world countries without established private property rights. The local dogs knew who owned what.

Dogs can stink. So can corporations. As a child I recall smelling the DuPont plant from miles away when riding through Richmond on the way to the grandparents. Sometimes we need to clean up our dogs—and our corporations.

And yes, dogs can leave behind a mess. I regularly get annoyed by the “gifts” left on my lawn by the neighbors’ dogs, and I do attempt do discipline them to do otherwise. Likewise, corporations could use some disciplining now and then. And we still have to get out the shovels and do some clean-ups ourselves.

Mouse-Eat-Mouse Communism

Dog-eat-dog capitalism is an inappropriate metaphor. Mouse-eat-mouse communism works better.

When a new communist regime is fresh and idealistic, mass starvation usually follows. While I don’t know if anyone resorted to cannibalism during the starvations in Russia, China, Ethiopia or Cambodia, it had to be more of a temptation than during the Cola Wars here in the U.S.

When a communist government gets older, wiser, and more corrupt, it gives up on turning everyone into a mouse. Oligarchy and survival follow.

Methinks I’ll take lap dog capitalism over mouse-eat-mouse communism. I like food, and I am not a mouse. That is a statement of relative preference, not an ideal, however.

I am more of a cat person.